Have you been keeping up with Gossip Girl through all six seasons, or did you drop off (like most, and rightfully so) around season 3?
Well, in case you haven’t heard, the series finale is TONIGHT. As in, no more Blair or Serena or Chuck or Dan or Nate, and we’re finally going to find out who Gossip Girl is. It’s the end of an era—the show premiered in 2007!—so I think we should all make a pact to tune in tonight. But if you haven’t been watching every week, that’s OK—I have. Through all six seasons of crazy.
So consider this your GG primer. Let’s see if you can follow along…
- Glam-gal Serena van der Woodsen returns to NYC’s Upper East Side following a mysterious disappearance—it’s revealed Serena exiled herself after she slept with Nate Archibald, her best friend Blair Waldorf’s boyfriend.
- Obviously, Blair then sleeps with Nate’s best friend, Chuck Bass, to get back at Nate.
- Serena starts dating outsider Dan Humphrey—except they don’t know that Dan’s father, Rufus Humphrey, used to date Serena’s mom, Lily van der Woodsen, a long time ago. This will not be the only weird not-incestuous-but-still-creepy love match-up on the show. Lily clearly still has a thing for Rufus and his ability to make delicious waffles, but she’s dating power-hungry Bart Bass, Chuck’s dad. (They eventually marry.)
- Dan’s best friend Vanessa Abrams arrives back in New York, making Serena jealous. For no reason, because Vanessa is kind of lame if you ask me.
- The season ends with conniving Georgina Sparks, Serena’s former friend, coming back to the Upper East and revealing that she was with Serena the night S slept with Nate—also, a man died in Serena’s presence while they were doing drugs, and the whole thing was caught on tape.
- Dan and Serena break up.
- Blair starts dating royalty (of course she does), and it makes Chuck jealous. They clearly love each other, but play a bunch of back-and-forth games and schemes—Blair even enlists Chuck to seduce Vanessa at one point. It’s weird for everyone.
- Nate deals with his family’s financial troubles, has an affair with an older, married woman, but then starts dating Vanessa.
- Dan’s little sister, Jenny, discovers a promising career in fashion, but starts to rebel. Lots of black eyeliner is involved.
- Dan and Serena get back together, but eventually break up again after they get stuck in an elevator. Serena starts dating an artist, Aaron Rose, who it turns out is the son of Blair’s new stepdad, Cyrus. After things with Aaron end, she gets back with Dan. Again. Then they break up. Again. And Dan has sex with her teacher.
- Lily develops feelings for Rufus, and soon after, Bart conveniently dies in a tragic car accident.
- Turns out Lily and Rufus had a secret son (Scott!) that she put up for adoption years and years ago. She and Rufus get married.
- The seniors graduate. Serena is headed to Brown, Nate is going to Columbia, and Blair, Dan, Vanessa, and Georgina are going to NYU.
- Chuck admits to Blair that he loves her.
- Blair and Chuck start off the season madly in love. And it’s wonderful.
- Vanessa has a new boyfriend, Scott. (Yeah, THE Scott. Secret-Rufus-and-Lily love child Scott.)
- A famous movie actress enrolls at NYU and ends up being roommates with Vanessa and starts dating Dan. Eventually they all have a threesome, which makes everything awkward (for them, and all of us watching the show). Then Dan falls in love with Vanessa.
- Serena falls in love with Nate’s cousin Tripp, who is married and up for Congress. They run away together, then get in a car crash, and Tripp runs off.
- Post-Tripp Serena and Nate start dating, but Jenny sabotages their relationship because she wants Nate. Also, she becomes a drug dealer.
- Lily said she was in California visiting her mom, but she really was with her ex-husband, who was treating her for cancer—that turns out to be a fake diagnosis.
- Dorota gets pregnant and married!
- Georgina shows up and tells Dan she’s pregnant with his baby.
- Chuck sets up a fancy date with Blair, but Blair misses it because she was with Dorota giving birth, so he sleeps with Jenny for revenge. Blair finds out and exiles Jenny from New York.
Season Four: a.k.a when the show goes off-the-rails crazy…
- After sh-t went down with Blair in the season three finale, Chuck fled to Prague, got beat up by some hooligans, and was healed by a French tourist, Eva. He brings her back to New York. But Blair plots to get them to break up.
- Dan deals with raising Milo, Georgina’s son. But turns out, Milo’s not really his son. Dan starts dating Vanessa again—even though he still has feelings for Serena—but she starts dating her professor at Columbia. (Figures.)
- Nate starts dating a new gal, Juliet Sharp, who prevents Serena from joining a secret sorority and just generally has a bunch of schemes and shady plans. Turns out, she’s actually poor and rents all her designer clothes/keeps the tags on.
- Juliet drugs Serena, so she ends up having an overdose. The gang finds out that Juliet’s brother, Ben, was put in prison by Lily years ago for sex with a minor (i.e. Serena) even though nothing happened between them. Serena gets Ben out of prison, and they start dating. His sister only tried to kill Serena, but whatever.
- A new CEO Russell Thorpe threatens to take over Bass Industries, which Chuck now runs with Lily after Bart’s death. His daughter Raina starts dating Chuck, then Nate. Eventually Russell’s arrested for arson and the murder of his wife (which he tried to pin on Bart Bass).
- Lily’s on house arrest, so her sister (Carol), mom (CeCe), and niece (Charlie) show up to show support. Apparently nobody’s seen Charlie since she was a little girl.
- Blair and Dan kiss, but then Blair starts dating Prince Louis Grimaldi—who she met in Paris—and they get engaged, despite his family’s disapproval.
- Twist! Charlie is actually a con artist named Ivy, who was hired by Carol to impersonate her daughter to get access to CeCe’s fortune. I find it hard to believe that nobody in theentire family knows what Charlie actually looks like, but this is GG so nothing makes sense.
- While in Los Angeles, Serena runs into “Charlie” a.k.a Ivy—and, still not knowing her true identity—invites her back to NYC.
- Blair’s pregnant, and it could be Chuck’s or the Prince’s.
- Nate falls for cougar Diana Payne, who offers him a chance to work at her publishing company, The Spectator. Later, we find out she’s Chuck’s secret mom.
- Vanessa finds a novel Dan wrote about all his friends and has it published—everyone gets mad.
- Ivy’s ex-boyfriend figures out her secret, blackmails her for money, and starts dating Serena. He eventually tells Serena the truth, but the family believes Ivy.
- Dan’s in love with Blair, but he wants to make her happy, so he arranges for Chuck and Blair to run away together. The car crashes, Blair loses the baby, and Chuck nearly dies. Blair stays with Louis.
- For some reason I’ve forgotten, Serena and Dan have a fake relationship to protect Blair—but Serena actually falls in love with Dan. Again.
- Blair’s wedding arrives. A video of Blair confessing her love for Chuck leaks. The wedding continues, but at the reception Louis reveals he doesn’t love her and their marriage is just a contract. Blair runs away with Dan.
- Nate unknowingly meets the real Charlie Rhodes—a NYU student. Turns out she’s the love child of Carol and Lily’s ex-husband, William.
- The whole family finds out Ivy is an impostor. CeCe dies, and leaves a huge chunk of money to Ivy even though she knew Ivy’s true identity.
- Blair divorces Louis and starts dating Dan.
- Bart Bass is still alive! He FAKED his death! Lily annuls her marriage to Rufus because she’s still technically married to Bart.
- Serena seduces Dan, they have sex, and she videotaped it to get revenge on Blair. Dan rejects Serena.
- Blair chooses Chuck over Dan.
- Serena leaves town, Dan leaves for Rome, and Blair meets up with Chuck in Paris.
- Chuck and Blair make a pact to not be together until they both succeed at their goals—she wants to run her mother’s fashion company, he wants revenge on Bart for faking his death and stealing his company back from Chuck.
- Serena went missing, so the gang reunites to find her. She was shacking upstate withBarry Watson Steven Spence, a young entrepreneur who has a teenage daughter, Sage. Sage starts dating Nate, and somehow that is legal. Also, Steven once had a one-night-stand with Lily, and it does not bother Serena that her boyfriend had sex with her mom. SO GROSS.
- Dan teams up with Georgina to write a new tell-all, this time using real names.
- Ivy is dating Rufus because she wants to get revenge on Lily for not accepting her into her family, even though… you know… Ivy isn’t a part of the family. But she’s actuallydating William, Lily’s ex-husband.
- Steven and Serena break up, and she falls in love with Dan. Again. But he wants her to see him as his equal, so he publishes a scathing article about her in Vanity Fair. Um, OK?
- Bart attempts to kill Chuck in a plane crash because Chuck knew too many secrets. Chuck confronts him on a rooftop. They scuffle, and Bart falls off the rooftop of the Empire Hotel, dies.
Annnnddd…. that’s it, folks! One more episode to tie up the remaining loose ends: Who is Gossip Girl? Will Chuck and Blair finally be together? And will Serena gave Dan another chance? (Yes, probably.)